Adorable Psycho Versus Disneyland
by crystal.elements
Summary: Sarah makes it a week without reaching her quota. Her reward? A surprise visit to the Happiest Place on Earth. Buckle up and enjoy the ride - it's another addition to Wep's popular AP franchise, and it's gonna get crazy.
1. Chapter 1

_As of today, I am officially the second girl to jump onto the AP bandwagon (__**Mikki **__beat me to it!). Some of you saw it coming, didn't you? No? Well, if not, get ready for one hell of a ride. This is gonna be a doozy. _

_In order to read this properly (without thinking I'm on crack for writing Sarah this way), it'd be best if you were properly acquainted with __**Wepdiggy's**__ spectacular __Adorable Psycho__ franchise. __**Wep**__, your creation is pure genius - I've never had so much fun with a story before, and it's definitely taught me to broaden my writing horizons. I hope I've done your Sarah justice and added a little "CE flair" into the mix. _

_Acknowledgments go out to __**Wepdiggy**__ and the rest of the contributors on the AP bandwagon for helping me get a better grasp on our adorably psychotic CIA agent. And as always, special thanks to __**mxpw**__ and __**Liam2**__ for their ever-awesome input._

_By the way, this story takes place a right before __**mxpw's **__Adorable Psycho Versus The Nine Months__. And like every AP story, some really crazy shiz is about to go down. Read at your own risk, and remember - I warned you. ;)_

_

* * *

_

"You've got to be kidding me."

Sarah stared at the obnoxiously large sign as they drove beneath the archway, going so far as to twist around in her seat to stare some more. Then she turned back to her boyfriend, an eerie Casey-like scowl on her face.

"What the hell, Chuck? _Disneyland?_"

Chuck blinked, taken aback. "What d'you mean? How can you not love the 'Happiest Place on Earth'?"

Sarah gave him a strange look. "I've been to the 'Happiest Place on Earth', Chuck, and I'm pretty sure it's a hell of a lot raunchier than this place." She shrugged. "Besides, I've never actually been to Disneyland before."

Chuck gaped at her, scandalized. "You've _never_ been —you don't—that should be a _crime, _Sarah!"

The blonde rolled her eyes playfully, settling back into the seat. "Okay, so we're here. What's the special occasion, anyway?"

Chuck hesitated, his grip tightening on the wheel. "Uh…well…"

Sarah cocked her head, bewildered. Then, without warning, the pieces clicked into place and sent her thoughts spiraling. Within the span of a second her questioning gaze had completely iced over.

"You're not trying to butter me up for another skank mission again, are you, _Chuck?_" She growled, her nails digging into the armrest between them. "'Cause if you are, let me remind you in excruciatingly graphic detail _exactly_ what those consequences entail—"

"Wha…_No! _Of course not!_" _Chuck blurted indignantly, the color draining from his face at the far-from-subtle threat. "And those were completely justifiable missions, Sarah! I had orders!"

"Sluts still had it coming," Sarah muttered, blowing a stray hair out of her face.

Chuck deliberately ignored the remark. "Look," he began reluctantly, "the truth is, I guess I thought this would be a good way to celebrate you not hitting your quota for the week—"

The expected _"WHAT?!"_ still sent Chuck swerving towards the curb.

Sarah was gawking at him in wild shock. "You…you thought _Disneyland_ was a good way to celebrate?! What about the celebratory _screw?_ You're saying we could've had hot, mind-blowing sex in the comfort of our own home and you traded it in for _Disneyland?!" _Her expression crumbled, voice suddenly much smaller._ "_Is something wrong with the usual reward, Chuck?"

Chuck immediately backpedalled, horror etched into his face. "_N-no_, you know that's not what I meant! I-I mean, our love-making is positively _fantastic_, don't get me wrong, I just thought this would be a nice way to celebrate too, and I figured we could always do _that_ later on tonight, as much as you want!"

Sarah's hurt expression still hadn't dissolved, even after that last statement. Chuck sighed in defeat and ran a hand through his hair.

"Come on, Sarah. You know how much I love you. Just…just go along with it this time, okay? It'll be fun, I promise." He reached over and gently tilted her chin upward, offering his most disarming and reassuring smile. "Please?"

Well crap, she obviously couldn't ignore that heart melting puppy-dog look of his. Damn him and his kryptonite-inducing methods.

"Fine," Sarah grumbled, slumping in her seat.

Chuck's grin was blinding. Leaning over the armrest, her gave her a quick peck on the cheek.

"You're going to love this place, Sarah. Trust me."

_Damn straight I better, _Sarah pouted silently, unbuckling her seatbelt as the car came to a stop.

_Either way, you've got some serious sexing up to do tonight._

_

* * *

_

C.E presents:

**Chuck and Sarah's Fantasmic Disneyland Adventure**

a.k.a.

**Adorable Psycho Versus Disneyland**

_An Adorable Psycho story_

_

* * *

_

As it was fast becoming the habit for the day, Sarah stood motionless in the middle of the bustling crowd on Main Street, staring blankly ahead at what the park map apparently called "Sleeping Beauty's Castle". Chuck slipped an arm around her waist, smiling.

"So, what do you think?"

Sarah stared for a moment longer, then turned her blank expression to him. "I still don't see why you couldn't have just given me a good plowing."

An appalled gasp had them both looking to their right, where a stout woman holding the hand of her 4-year-old daughter had come to an abrupt halt. Chuck immediately burst into awkward laughter.

"Plowing…_tool_…for the garden back home! I know it's what you love to do best, honey, but you know how expensive those hoes—I mean _tools!_—can get—"

With a huff, the woman hurried the girl along, but not before throwing a withering glare in their direction. Chuck looked stricken for a moment then sighed.

"I feel like I should remind you that we're in an amusement park filled with families and kids," he said, breaking into an amused grin, "but I'm guessing you caught her drift?"

Sarah snorted, unrepentant. "There's nothing wrong with my proclamations of love."

"Might be better to keep it subtle, hon."

"Is that a challenge?" Her eyes gleamed in excitement.

Chuck blinked. "You're not serious, are you?" Off her raised eyebrows, "Wow, you're serious. Uh, that actually might not be a good idea, but hey, if you can do it, then—you know what, why don't we look at the—" He hastily pulled open the park map and began walking.

Sarah smirked, looping her arm in his. "This might be more fun than I thought."

* * *

This was decidedly _not_ more fun.

They were _everywhere_. Why the hell did people waste their time coming to a place like this? It was like trying to shove your way through a mosh pit of excited little 10-year-olds! Except it wasn't just 10-year-olds, oh no—there were obnoxious teenagers and creepy middle-agers and whiny toddlers with snot dripping down their noses because _Mommy _or_ Daddy _wouldn't let them ride that awesome big-kid ride called Space Mountain—

Speaking of which…

"Are you _kidding_ me?!" Sarah screeched, eyes practically bulging out of their sockets as she gawked at the archway entrance to Space Mountain. She whirled around to face Chuck, jabbing her finger at the current waiting time posted. "Two hours? _Two hours_ for a fucking _ride?!_"

"_Language_, Sarah!" Chuck hissed in exasperation, pulling her off to the side. He glanced at the sign again and sighed. "Okay, I know, two hours is a bit much. Space Mountain is one of the most popular rides in the park, so it's not really surprising. A lot of the lines are around an hour long…"

Sarah was staring at him like he'd grown a second head. "You brought me to an amusement park knowing that we'd have to stand in hour-long lines? It's like you don't know me at all!"

"I honestly didn't expect it to be this crowded!" Chuck replied, indignant. "I mean, today's Sunday! And we're not even near holiday season!"

Sarah wasn't even listening to him anymore. She turned back to the sign, her expression mournful.

"Two hours!" She repeated incredulously. "Do you realize what else we could be doing instead of waiting in a fuc_—freakin',_" she quickly amended at Chuck's warning look, "two-hour line?"

If Chuck was aware of what she had in mind, he certainly didn't show it. "We don't have to wait in line for this," he offered tentatively. "I mean, we can always ride something else and come back to Space Mountain when it's less crowded—"

"I can think of a couple of things I'd like to ride, Chuck," Sarah deadpanned. "Just one, actually, but my boyfriend decided to take the word completely out of context and bring me _here _instead."

Chuck cringed. Yeah, he set himself up for that one. With another sigh (he seemed to be sighing a lot today), he slipped his hand in hers and pulled her back towards the archway.

"It's not as bad as you think, sweetie. See?" He pointed above the dreaded wait time sign, where the word "FastPass" was plastered across another panel. "Disneyland has this neat thing called 'FastPasses'. You take a pass for a ride and come back at the designated time, and the waiting time for the ride is cut in half. More than that, actually—you'll be on in thirty minutes, tops."

"We still have to wait thirty minutes to ride the stupid ride," Sarah replied sulkily.

"Trust me, it'll be worth it." Chuck smiled. "There's a strategy for these FastPasses, Sarah. And when it comes to strategy, we both know you're the best." He gave her a pointed look.

Sarah shrugged. She couldn't argue with that.

Chuck looked at the time for FastPass, then down at his watch. "Well, it's 11:15 now, and the time to come back for Space Mountain FastPasses is 1:00. We'll grab a pass, ride a couple of the rides that have shorter wait times, grab some lunch, and then come back. How's that sound?"

Sarah opened her mouth to give some sort of sarcastic remark. But then she caught that _look_ on his face again, and the words instantly dissolved. A sigh escaped from her lips instead, which Chuck happily accepted as a response.

"Great!" He tugged her away from the archway and back into that godforsaken crowd, an excited grin lighting up his entire face. "How about we check out Fantasyland? There are some pretty awesome kiddie rides there I think you'll enjoy…"

Sarah barely suppressed the groan.

* * *

_Okay, this is just plain ridiculous._

She was surrounded by a horde of kids—in fact, Fantasyland was positively teeming with the pint-sized brats. They were currently in line for Mad Tea Party, and aside from all the parents, she swore that she and Chuck were the only adults voluntarily waiting to ride those…spinning _teacups_.

Sarah shot her boyfriend a glare from the corner of her eye. She wasn't particularly happy with him at the moment, either. Because they were in what he liked to call a "very family-friendly" area, Chuck had insisted they keep the PDA to a minimum. Seriously, what was wrong with a little groping every now and then? First he decides to deprive her of her favorite pastime and now _this?_ Sarah gritted her teeth. She was giving up a lot for this Disneyland trip of his. Chuck had another thing coming if he thought he'd be keeping his clothes on by the end of the night.

A high-pitched squeal pulled Sarah out of her moody thoughts. Two little girls in front of her were chattering relentlessly, their gazes glued to the rotating teacups below. One of the girls tugged on her mother's pant leg, bouncing up and down in excitement.

"I wanna ride on the pink one! Mommy, can we ride the pink one?"

"No!" The older girl shrieked, latching onto the other leg. "I wanna ride the blue one, Mom! We rode the pink one last time, remember?"

"Ew, blue's a _boy_ color! Why would you want to ride in the _boy_ teacup?!"

"It is _not_ a boy teacup! Look, there are girls riding in the blue one, see?"

"Soooo? Mom, tell her the pink teacup is better!"

Both girls began wailing. Their mother played deaf for all of five seconds before the two broke out into a mini slap-fest and she was forced to pull them apart.

_Oh God._ Sarah sucked in a shuddering breath, resisting the urge to bash someone's face in. On the bright side, she supposed this little display served a good purpose: when she and Chuck finally have kids (she needed to face it—with all their plowing it's bound to happen sooner or later), she'll most likely think back on this moment, remember the horrors of whiny, prepubescent bitch-fights and desperately hope for a boy.

Suddenly she felt several pairs of eyes on her. Blinking, Sarah looked to the curious gazes of the girls, then to the downright nasty glare of their mother (and a few other parents nearby), and finally to the shaking head of one Charles Bartowski. She quickly rewound through her thoughts.

_Crap, did I say that last part out loud?_

Conveniently, the line began moving forward, and the mother hastily pushed her girls toward a blue teacup as Chuck and Sarah headed for green. Over her sister's fuss, the older girl clung to her mother's wrist and spared a glance towards the couple, her brow furrowed in confusion.

"Mom, what's a 'bitch-fight'?"

* * *

Two minutes later, Sarah hopped off the teacup with a new bounce to her step.

"That was _fantastic,_" she gushed, eyes sparkling in delight. "Why didn't you tell me these rides were so fun?"

Chuck stumbled out of the cup after her, a little more than disoriented. He took a moment to gain back his footage before shooting his girlfriend a strange look. "I _did!_ You wouldn't listen to me!" He paused, holding a hand to his head. "How the heck did you spin us so fast? I didn't even touch the wheel!"

Sarah shrugged. "I did what I always do. I put my back into it."

They both stopped to ponder that for a few seconds. Then the moment was over and Sarah was pulling him toward the exit gates, her excitement bubbling over.

"Let's go again!"

"_Or_," Chuck interrupted, eyes wide, "how about we take a lunch break first then try out some other rides? We've only got a limited amount of time to ride everything, you know."

Sarah's expression flashed disappointment for a moment, but she quickly replaced the look with a mysterious smile. Chuck didn't miss the sudden switch, either. His eyes narrowed in confusion.

"Food sounds great right about now, actually," she said brightly, pulling the park map out of his back pocket (making sure to drag her fingers as she did so) and snapping it open. "There's actually a restaurant I was looking at earlier..."

* * *

"Mmmm," Sarah moaned, licking the last of the chowder from a broken piece of her sourdough bread bowl. "This clam chowder is _delicious_. Don't you think so, Chuck?"

Chuck pursed his lips and nodded as he vigorously swirled his own chowder, half unfinished, within the bread bowl. "Yep. Absolutely delicious."

"It was such a great idea to come to the French Market for this." Sarah crossed her legs and smiled at him.

"Well, the French do it best—the _food!_" He blurted loudly when he saw the smirk on her face. "I'm talking about the food! They make some great clam...chowder..." He trailed off, brow furrowing. What the hell? French clam chowder? Since when had Disney become so unoriginal?

"Well, either way," Sarah continued casually, leaning over to dip her spoon into Chuck's bread bowl. _That_ definitely snapped his attention back to her. "I've never tasted anything like this before. There's just something about Disneyland chowder..."

She helped herself to another slow and sensuous bite, moaning again. "God, I love how the flavor just _explodes_ in my mouth—"

There was a loud scraping sound as Chuck shot up from his chair. Sarah and several other families nearby gave him curious looks.

"Y-you know, I should—I have to—" He gestured wildly in two opposite directions before settling on the left, "I think the little boy's room is that way—I'll just—" Without another word he shuffled out of the dining area, his steps quick and erratic.

Only after he had disappeared into the crowd did the blonde finally break into quiet laughter.

* * *

Chuck had been right: she was having a _blast. _

And she had to admit that the Chuck and Sarah Dynamic Duo were pretty kickass today. Thanks to Chuck's expertise on everything Disneyland (which was incredibly nerdy and sexy at the same time, for some odd reason) and Sarah's ability to plow her way through the massive crowds (apparently her term of endearment worked well even outside of its usual sexual context), they had been on nine rides in the past five hours, lunch and snack breaks included.

Even better was the fact that she'd successfully managed to slip in several more subtle innuendos throughout the day, sending Chuck into a series of stumbles, stammers, and even the occasional flustered bathroom run. The one that topped the list was right after they'd ridden down Splash Mountain—she'd leaned flush up against him and whispered, "God, this ride made me so _wet_" in her most sultry voice, and he'd literally squeaked. Out loud. Needless to say, he'd nearly fallen flat on his face en route to the men's room, and Sarah bought the overpriced picture just to commemorate the event.

They were walking through Fantasyland now, Sarah proudly sporting a Minnie Mouse hat and slurping away at an apple juice slushie. She was halfway through humming the chorus of "It's a Small World" when suddenly—

Chuck nearly collided into her as she came to an abrupt halt in the middle of the walkway, the straw falling away from her lips.

"Sarah? What's wrong?"

If there was anything Chuck expected from his girlfriend at that moment, a squeal wasn't one of them. But that's exactly what she did—an honest to god, high-pitched squeal that suddenly made him wonder just how many of her childhood traits were resurfacing during this trip to Disneyland.

Sarah whirled around and clutched his shoulders, her face positively glowing with excitement.

"Do you see that?"

Chuck peered around her, confused. "Uh, what exactly am I—"

Sarah grabbed his face and turned it towards the entrance to Fantasyland's newest attraction, Beast's Castle, where a woman in an unmistakable yellow dress was strolling about. After a moment or so of smiling and waving at the throng of people lined up outside the castle, she curtsied and made her way inside.

Chuck blinked and turned to his girlfriend. "Belle from _Beauty and the Beast_? What about her?"

For a moment Sarah looked as though she wanted to slap him across the face. Then she seemed to reconsider, expression softening.

"I guess I never told you," she said, flushing pink, "but _Beauty and the Beast_ is my favorite Disney films of all time. It was one of the movies my dad took me to during one of our movie-hopping weekends. I absolutely _loved_ Belle's dress."

A goofy smile spread across Chuck's face at her confession. "Aw, Sarah Walker wanted to wear a frilly yellow princess dress as a kid? That's so adorable—"

Sarah's eyes narrowed dangerously. "You've given me enough shit for _Glee_, buddy. Don't push your luck." She suddenly brightened. "But whatever, let's go!"

Chuck faltered. "H-huh?"

Sarah took one last sip from her slushie before tossing it into the trash. "You and I are going to meet the best Disney character ever to be introduced on this earth." She linked her arm in his and proceeded to drag him towards the entrance to Beast's Castle with a renewed burst of enthusiasm. Chuck simply balked.

"Uh, you _do_ realize that the line to meet and greet a Disney Princess like Belle is at least an hour long, right?"

That stopped Sarah short. She turned around and shot him an incredulous look. "Are you _serious?_"

Chuck nodded and pointed to the long line extending out at least thirty yards away from the castle entrance.

Sarah stared. "The _hell? That's_ the line?"

Chuck nodded again and sighed. "Look, it's alright, Sarah, maybe if we come back a little later the line will be—"

"Screw it. I'll wait."

Chuck gaped at her. "You're actually going to _wait?_"

Sarah raised her chin stubbornly. "If it means meeting my favorite Disney Princess, then it's completely worth it."

"You…you realize that we've got a FastPass for Matterhorn—"

Sarah growled at him. "We're _waiting_."

"Yes'm," Chuck stammered.

* * *

As it was with any line, Sarah's mood rapidly soured as the minutes dragged on. When a young man dressed as a servant came out to increase the waiting time on the sign outside the doors an extra fifteen minutes, Chuck had to physically block Sarah from reaching out to strangle the poor guy's neck.

"Family friendly place, remember?" he murmured in her ear, massaging the back of her neck until she visibly relaxed. "Can't go wringing the necks of little men dressed in tights, especially in front of all the kids…"

Sarah forced a smile onto her face as the servant looked in her direction. She must've done a pretty crappy job, though, because his face went pale and he hurried back through the castle doors without a second glance.

The blonde grunted in satisfaction and turned back to Chuck. "This is absolutely ridiculous," she hissed under her breath, folding her arms across her chest. "We've been waiting for nearly half an hour and we're only at the door! How long does it take to fucking meet a princess? You and I could've found a bathroom and gone five rounds in the time it's taken to get to this point in the line!"

"Shhh!" Chuck whispered, his eyes darting around nervously. Then he added, "And it's more like three if we're thinking in realistic terms, but I get your point." He pulled her close and buried his face into her hair. "We can always leave and find something else to do if you don't think it's worth it—"

Sarah pulled away and looked at him like he was crazy. "_Worth it?_ Of course it's worth it! We've waited this long, haven't we?" She shrugged nonchalantly. "How much worse can it get?"

* * *

"What the—you snotty little _bitches!_" Sarah raged, making a very rude gesture with her middle finger. Chuck quickly wrenched the offending hand down to her side as several people in front shot them dirty looks.

"Honey, _not _in front of the kids!"

"W—Didn't you _see_ that?" The blonde exclaimed, giving him an incredulous look. "Those little skanks cut in line! _Three_ of them! Do you realize how much longer we'll have to wait now?!"

"Sarah, those girls are like, _eight._"

"And I'm in my late twenties, whoop de _friggen' _doo," Sarah replied sarcastically. "We're all here for a purpose, and those little shits are ruining it for the rest of us."

Chuck puckered his lips for a moment. "Your language gets pretty vulgar when you're pissed, you know that?"

The look he received in response was like a kick in the nuts.

* * *

Chuck was seriously starting to get worried.

They were almost to the front of the line now; Belle was less than twenty feet away, deep in conversation with the three girls Sarah had wanted to shoot earlier. But that was just it—Sarah had left for a "quick bathroom break" over ten minutes ago, and she still hadn't returned. If she didn't come back soon and ended up missing this chance…Chuck shuddered to think of the consequences. As much as he loved his girlfriend, she was still a badass CIA agent who scared the crap out of him whenever she decided to go psycho on everyone's ass.

"Sir?"

Chuck started and looked around—the preteens who had been standing in front of him were gone, and a mousy-looking man dressed as a squire was giving him a semi-bored look from his post, a fake smile plastered on his face.

"Sir," he repeated, "you're next in line to meet with the princess. Do you have your camera and autograph book ready?"

_Shit! _How'd he get to the front of the line so fast? Chuck fidgeted in place, trying to find a way to stall. "Y'know, actually, I'm waiting for my girlfriend—she's using the restroom right now, she'll be back in a bit." He spun around and motioned toward the family waiting behind him. "Maybe you can let them go before me…?"

The squire's smile seemed to falter for a split second. "I'm sorry, sir, my job is to keep this line in order and make sure everything runs smoothly. If your girlfriend isn't here, you'll have to meet with the princess alone. Otherwise, I'll have to ask you to kindly step out of line."

_Whoa. Harsh. _He had to admit, Disney sure knew how to run a place. Chuck took one last glance behind him for any signs of Sarah. No luck. The squire was staring at him expectantly (along with the rest of the line, it seemed), so without another word Chuck dragged himself towards the smiling princess in yellow.

"Hello, monsieur," Belle greeted with a curtsy, her expression warm. "How are you doing today?"

Chuck gave an awkward wave. "Uh, hi! I'm doing fine, actually, I'm just—" Another glance back—"my girlfriend is supposed to be here right now, she had to go to the little girl's room, she really wanted to meet you…"

The princess gasped. "Oh, I'm sorry. Is she alright?"

"What…? Oh, no, no, she's fine!" Chuck said with a quick wave. "I just…I don't know if she'll get back in time, and I know you're on a tight schedule. Here, you know what—" He dug out a small BuyMore notepad and pen from his shoulder bag and handed it to Belle. "D'you think you could maybe write an autograph to her? I know she'd appreciate it."

"Of course." Belle offered him a dazzling smile. "I'm sorry I won't be able to meet her, she sounds like a lovely girl."

A woman dressed as a maid approached them, her hands clasped. "Your camera, sir?"

"Oh, right!" Chuck reached into his bag for the camera and turned it on before handing it to her. It was only when he'd gone back to Belle and positioned himself for the photo that the utter stupidity of his actions finally hit him. Well, that and the fact that he suddenly heard in his head a shrill and all-too familiar female voice: _"You stay the _fuck_ away from her!" _

Belle started as Chuck leapt away from her with a yelp. "A-actually, maybe a picture isn't the best idea!"

The princess held a hand to her chest, bewildered. "Why not?"

Chuck wracked his brain for an explanation that didn't sound insane. _Well, you see, Belle, despite you being my girlfriend's favorite Disney Princess, you're also a very pretty brunette standing within a twenty-foot radius of her territory, and—_

"Oh, I'm sure he can think of a few reasons."

Sarah Walker stood before them, hands casually folded across her chest and a dangerous glint in her eye. Chuck audibly gulped.

_Oh, shit._

_

* * *

_

_Ah, one can only imagine what Sarah's going to do now. Well, not really. You'll find out in the next chapter, and I can already guarantee that it's going to be absolutely Fantasmic. Hee._

_For those of you wondering, "When the hell is she going to update Closet Gleek?!"...I'll get to it soon. I've kind of hit a roadblock on figuring out how to conclude everything, and then school decided to bombard me with the hell known as "midterms", and then this story kind of just popped into my head and I couldn't let it go...so yes. Stay tuned._


	2. Chapter 2

_Delays, delays. Apologies. Half of the reason was because of a somewhat depressing Charah relationship (or lack thereof) in the third season. The other half was mostly made up of schoolwork and prepping for finals. Those are never fun, but I pulled through with decent enough grades so it's all good._

_Thanks go out to __**mxpw**_ _for listening to me ramble off ideas and beta-ing whatever draft scenes I throw his way. He's usually the one who reminds me to kick myself into gear when I need it._

_

* * *

_

Shit. Chuck was going to kill her.

Okay, so it was entirely her fault. Sarah could admit that. In her defense, though, it hadn't been an excuse to get out of that godforsaken line—she actually _had_ gone to use the bathroom. Sure, she'd nearly kicked some woman's six-year-old son in the face when he'd purposely peeked under her stall, but she didn't need to tell Chuck about that. Or about the "I'm a perverted douche" post-it she'd snuck on the kid's back on her way out. Apparently, the word "douche" was right up there with the rest of her favorite words of wisdom that Chuck disapproved of.

It was on the way back to Beast's Castle that she'd seen it: Mad Hatter's Tea Party. A line that was so ridiculously short that she'd felt like crying tears of happiness.

Boy, was it was calling her name.

She'd thought long and hard about it. A full ten seconds, in fact. The line honestly wouldn't take that long. Plus, she'd been dying to see how fast she could spin the thing. The second time she'd ridden it with Chuck he'd forced her to stop, threatening to "send orgasmic chowder chunks flying into the wind" if she spun it any faster. So really, having another go at the teacups without having to worry about her boyfriend getting more sand in his vag had been perfectly logical reasoning on her part.

Or at least it _had_ been at the time. But then a couple of cocky, hormonal college boys had to ruin it by clambering into the teacup after her, claiming that a beautiful woman such as herself shouldn't be riding alone. Not to worry, they'd said, their eyes flickering down to her chest none too discreetly—they'd give her a ride to remember. She'd smiled a sweet smile, took hold of the wheel, and responded that she'd give them a ride they'd never forget.

Two minutes later they were hurling their guts out in the nearest trashcan.

Satisfying as that was, Sarah was really regretting it now. The whole ordeal had actually taken a lot longer than she'd originally thought. She bit back another curse as she wove expertly through the crowd towards Beast's Castle. It was already bad enough that she'd left Chuck to wait in line by himself. What if he'd already made it to the front? What if she missed the chance to meet Belle?

Sarah skidded to a stop at the door, eyes landing on Chuck's lanky frame fifty feet away. She watched as he walked forward to greet her beloved Disney Princess, who gave Chuck a dazzling smile and a curtsy.

What if a brunette bitch in a fancy yellow dress started hitting on _her man?_

The sight was like a slap to the face. Just like that, all of her Disney dreams shattered into a million pieces.

And that's when the anger bubbled to the surface.

How dare she! A fucking _Disney Princess!_ How _dare _she use her evil princess powers to try and seduce Sarah's personal piece of nerdy goodness! Frozen in disbelief, Sarah could only watch as Chuck pulled out a notepad and pen from his shoulder bag and handed them to Belle, completely oblivious. Her hands balled into fists. Never mind the fact that there were a hundred other girls in line waiting with their pens and notepads for autographs—Sarah was absolutely positive that Little Miss _Princess_ was writing more than just words on that paper. A phone number, maybe, or some secret code—

She felt something inside of her snap before the rest of the thought even materialized. Putting her stealth to good use, Sarah crept forward until she was a good ten feet away from Chuck and the Bitch, both of whom were too busy attempting to take a picture to notice. (She was going to toss that camera into the garbage disposal the moment they got home, no matter how much Chuck cried over it.)

She had to admire her boyfriend's "Sarah senses", though, because less than a second later Chuck leapt away from the brunette slut, his face contorted in horror.

"A-actually, maybe a picture isn't the best idea!"

Bitch held a hand to her chest, obviously shocked that a sexy man like Charles Bartowski could resist her evil princess charm. "Why not?"

Sarah stepped into the limelight.

"I'm sure he can think of a few reasons."

* * *

In that terrifying moment, Chuck was aware of two things. First, Sarah looked about ten seconds away from pulling out some miraculously concealed gun and blowing Belle's brains out in front of 100 little girls and their families. Second…well, actually, his brain was still trying to figure out where Sarah could possibly hide a loaded gun in a place like this. He thought about it a little longer. Then his mind conjured up a very inappropriate picture, and he felt his blood drain from his head into a certain lower region.

Chuck twitched and shoved the image away. Meanwhile, Sarah's eyes were getting wilder with every passing moment.

"Oh," Belle said, blissfully unaware of the ticking time bomb in front of her, "You must be—"

"His girlfriend?" Sarah replied icily. "Yeah, that's me. Nice of you to actually acknowledge it, you brunette little—"

"Hi-yo!" Chuck yelled, drowning out the rest of her sentence. He put himself between the two women, something that did not go unnoticed by his girlfriend. One look from her and he felt the temperature drop about ten degrees.

"Belle," he said, chancing it by pulling Sarah close, "this is my girlfriend, Sarah. Who is a perfectly _normal_ woman when interacting with the general public," he added in a low hiss.

"Manipulative skanks who fuck with my man are _not_ the general public!" Sarah whispered heatedly, only her voice wasn't exactly much of a whisper. "That bitch was all over you, Chuck!"

Belle actually dropped the princess façade for a split second, looking affronted. Then the smile was back, albeit a little strained. "Sarah, it was very…_nice_ to meet you, but I must tend to my other gracious guests as well." She gave a quick curtsy and looked to the squire, who began to make his way over.

"What? No! We're not finished yet!" Sarah seethed, taking a step forward. Chuck held her back with a nervous laugh, eyes darting around the now curious crowd behind them.

The squire cleared his throat, fixing them with an irritated glare. "If you'll follow me, please?"

"Uh, yeah, sure," Chuck said. He tugged gently at Sarah's waist, pulling her towards the exit. "Honey, it's alright, we should leave Belle to her guests. She's a very busy woman, you know."

"Oh, I'm sure she is!" Sarah retorted. She craned her neck around to take one last look at the princess. "I _trusted_ you, dammit!" She roared. "You were my favorite! Beast is gonna hear about this one, you good-for-nothing—"

"She's fine, folks!" Chuck cut in loudly, waving off the disgruntled stares of parents and kids alike. "Just needs a little rest, we've had a really long day—"

"_This isn't over, you traitor!!!"_

_

* * *

_

_**Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt.**_

"This call better be important, Walker. I'm right in the middle of something."

"_Casey, since when have I ever called you for pleasure? Wait, don't answer that—we've got more important things to worry about. Things like Chuck's safety."_

"Why, what happened? Did he flash?"

"_Oh ho ho, he got some flashes, alright."_

"…Goddammit, Walker. Don't tell me this is another one of your creepy stalk-and-kill missions. I don't want to hear it."

"_She's a threat to my territory! And she's…she's a _princess!_ What if Chuck swings that way? I'm not losing my man to a goddamned-frilly-yellow-dressed-piece-of-shit royalty, Casey!"_

"I have no idea what the hell is spewing out of your mouth right now, but I'm almost positive you've gone batshit insane."

"_Thank you. Now can you please do me a favor and hack into Disneyland's main employee database? I need to find out who this bitch is and what her plans are for tonight."_

"Do you even realize how secure those Disney systems are? It'd take me at _least_ an hour to break into the database, and even then we can't be sure it'll have the info you're looking for. In other words, _hell no_. I am _not_ getting dragged into your slay-the-slut shenanigans this time."

"_Okay, okay. I thought I might find myself in this type of situation sooner or later. Which is why you'll be happy to know that I've personally invested in a—"_

"Save your breath, Walker. I don't care what you're trying to sell, I refuse."

"_Even when it's a brand new FN SCAR-H, fully equipped to include your very own enhanced grenade launcher module?"_

"…"

"_It's calling your name, Casey. You know you want it—"_

"_No!_ Dammit, Walker, I'm _not_ doing this! Remember what happened last time?"

"…_Okay, so maybe that was my fault. But really, how was I supposed to know the chick was into other chicks? Anyone could've made that mistake!"_

"Yeah, but only a love-struck psychotic bitch like you is crazy enough to bribe an innocent NSA agent like me to do her dirty work."

"_Innocent? Is that what you're calling yourself now? And by the way, I resent that label. What I have for Chuck is nothing short of undying love, thank you very much. Besides, I'll be the one killing her this time! You have nothing to worry about!"_

"As much as I've enjoyed this heartfelt conversation, Walker, I need to get back to more important things. Like not hearing your voice during what is clearly _me_-time."

"_Don't make me bring Mufasa into this."_

"What the _hell_ are you talking about?"

"_I was hoping it didn't have to come down to this, Casey, but you leave me with no choice."_

"You really _have_ gone batshit insane."

"_Maybe, but I'm not the one who watches The Lion King at least once a week and mourns over Mufasa's death. Every. Single. Time."_

"…"

"_Yeah, that's right. I'm not the only one with a favorite Disney movie, Johnny Boy."_

"You conniving little _bitch_—"

"_Do me this favor, Casey, and I'll take this guilty pleasure of yours to the grave. We'll forget this conversation ever happened. Hell, I'll even get you another gun—that HK416 assault rifle was looking pretty damn fine at WeapCon. All I'm asking for is a little info from good ol' Walt Disney. You can do it, right? For me?"_

"…"

"…_Casey?"_

"You better be kissing your own ass right now, Walker, because if we weren't talking on the phone, I'd lodge a bullet or two so deep in there you wouldn't be able to walk straight for years, much less do the horizontal mambo with your boy toy."

"_You're the best, partner. Hakuna Matata!"_

"Oh, you _mother fuc_—"

**-**_**Call ended-**_

_**

* * *

**_

Sarah hadn't spoken a word aloud since they'd been "escorted" out of Beast's Castle nearly half an hour ago. Chuck had to admit that it was quite an impressive feat, given the fact that she'd managed to clear a path through the crowds, get a table at a sit-in restaurant, and order dinner with just her eyes. The waiter had barely gotten past an annoyed, "Are you going to order or what?" before the death glare Sarah burned in his face sent him stumbling back to the kitchen to request the best entrée they had available. As soon as he'd left, Sarah had taken out her phone and stalked away for what Chuck could only assume was a personal call (and hopefully not a request for the immediate demolition of Beast's Castle). She'd returned less than five minutes later, mouth set in a stubborn line and a strange glint in her eye that was better left unasked.

Now, forty minutes later, they ate in silence, interrupted only by the high-pitched clang of fork and knife to plate as Sarah sawed through her rib eye steak. Despite his advantage of being Sarah's personal boy toy, Chuck couldn't help but shudder at the sight—it was enough to put any man on edge. Her vicious assault on the steak wasn't doing his wallet any favors, either. He inwardly cringed. Sarah's meal alone would cost him at least two hours of overtime at the BuyMore.

After another long and awkward moment, Chuck cleared his throat. "Sooo…this has been fun, hasn't it?"

Sarah's knife hand tweaked; if she had Casey's strength, Chuck swore she would've cut through the plate. Arms still hovering over her dinner, Sarah slowly brought her gaze to his. She was still wearing the Minnie hat—the image alone would've been hilarious, except Chuck was fairly certain she could shove said hat down his throat if she really wanted to. Or lodge her fork and knife where the sun didn't shine. He gulped. Then, for the millionth time since the blowout:

"Sarah, I swear to God, she wasn't writing down some secret code for a sex rendezvous underneath the fireworks. She wasn't hitting on me; she was just doing her job!"

Sarah snorted. "Yeah, her _job_. What did you call it before? 'The world's oldest profession?'" She tore through another piece of steak and popped it into her mouth. "Just goes to show that even royalty can be whorish."

Chuck stared at her. "You do realize that the person dressed as Belle wasn't _actually_ a real princess, right?"

"_Don't say that name in front of me!"_

"But…she's a _Disney_ character! She's not even—"

"Really, Chuck?" Sarah interrupted, annoyed. "Are you _trying_ to crush a girl's dreams?"

"N-no, that's not…" Chuck dropped his head into his hands. "Never mind."

They sat through another long bout of silence. Finally, after a few minutes, Sarah let out a sigh.

"I'm sorry, Chuck," She mumbled, poking idly at what was left of her mashed potatoes. "You know how I get when other women start thinking they can get in your pants. I'm just a little protective of you, that's all."

Chuck cracked a smile. "I know, sweetie. And that's just one of the many reasons why I love you." He leaned over to drop a light kiss on her cheek.

"And because of the great sex, right?"

"Yes, that too."

Sarah beamed. Then she blinked, smile fading; she pulled out her phone and stared at the screen for a beat. A look of surprise crossed her face.

"Huh," she muttered. "That was fast."

Chuck furrowed his brow. "What was fast?"

Sarah looked up and quickly pocketed the phone. "Oh, it's nothing. I just didn't realize how fast the time went by. We should probably head over to New Orleans Square soon; isn't that fireworks thing gonna be over there?"

"Fantasmic? Well, yeah…" Chuck looked at his watch. "But it's 7:00. The show doesn't start for another two hours."

Sarah gave him a pointed look. "I saw people setting up blankets around the lake before we even came to dinner, Chuck. You can't expect us to get good seats if we don't go now."

Chuck seemed to consider it for a moment, then shrugged. "Yeah, you're right. Okay, I'll get the check and we can split."

Sarah brightened at the last word. "Wait, that's a great idea! I can grab us some snacks for the show while we wait; I saw some chocolates in the shops at Main Street that looked absolutely _orgasmic_."

Chuck's mind went blissfully blank for a second. Then he shook his head and directed his focus back on his girlfriend, who was already getting ready to leave. "Wait, you're going without me?"

Sarah cocked her head. "Well, someone needs to save our spot while I buy the snacks, right?" She gave him a dazzling smile and a wink. "Don't worry, Chuck, I won't take long. I'll call you as soon as I get them, okay?"

"Sure," Chuck said, "take your time."

With a final wave, Sarah turned and made her way out of the restaurant, eyes sparkling mysteriously.

"Well, if you say so..."

* * *

Melissa Hartmann let out a weary sigh as she opened the door to the employee workroom in Beast's Castle. A hand reached up to massage her jaw; two months into the job and still the constant smiling made her face throb.

She wondered for the millionth time if this whole Disneyland gig was really worth it. Sure, at first she'd been absolutely thrilled to be chosen out of the hundreds of other low-level actresses desperate for money. Dressing and acting like her favorite Disney princess had felt like a dream come true at the time. The kids and families she could handle. But hell, the extravagant yellow dress weighed _thirty_ pounds, for God's sake—made her sweat like a hog in the daytime and nearly impossible to dance in gracefully at Fantasmic.

Melissa sighed again. Four-hour daytime shifts, then nighttime performances on Fantasmic every Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday. Disney wasn't paying her nearly enough for this kind of work. Damn big-time conglomerates and their stingy payrolls.

She made her way into her private dressing room, intent on relaxing for a good hour or so before getting ready for Fantasmic's first showing at 9:00. A shower sounded so amazing right about now—

"Hello, Princess."

Melissa let out a sharp gasp and spun around. A woman emerged from behind the door, her cobalt eyes gleaming as she shut the door with a resounding _click_. She studied Melissa with an almost predatory gaze; a moment later, the smallest of smiles graced her lips.

"I believe we've met before. You remember me, don't you?"

Melissa backed away from the blonde, heart ramming in her chest. "W-What are you doing in here? This room is for employees only!"

The woman casually inspected her fingernails, ignoring the question. "I'm sorry, let me rephrase that. Surely you remember my boyfriend—tall, lanky, and incredibly sexy in a nerdish sort of way?" Her eyes flashed. "You signed his Buy More notepad a little over an hour ago."

Melissa blinked, bewildered. "I-I'm sorry, I don't…" Her eyes widened in sudden recognition. "You…you're the woman who got kicked out of the castle for going nuts on everyone," she blurted out before she could stop herself. "The psycho-jealous girlfriend!"

The blonde went very still. Melissa slapped a hand over her mouth in horror. Whoever the hell this woman was, she was definitely one messed up chick. And she'd just said it aloud. To the psychotic bitch herself.

To Melissa's utter confusion, however, the woman laughed. She raised a hand to her mouth and laughed so hard that tears sprung to her eyes. Melissa took another step back, officially creeped out.

"Wha…?"

"I just thought of the best pun to describe this situation," The woman said, grinning. "Beauty and the Bitch. Isn't it perfect?" Her smile faded. "Guess which one you are?"

Melissa's eyes narrowed. She'd had enough of this shit already. "Look," she snapped, "I don't know what your problem is or how you even got in here, but you need to get the hell out. I don't care about your jacked up territorial issues, I've had a long day and the last thing I need is some blonde bimbo barging in here and accusing me of hitting on her loser geek of a boyfriend—"

She moved so quickly that all Melissa saw was a blur. The next thing she knew, the woman had her pinned against the wall, cobalt eyes searing into her own.

"Actually, he prefers nerd," the blonde replied coolly. A glint of silver materialized in her right hand. "And in case you didn't figure it out already: I'm Beauty, Bitch."

* * *

_So I'm thinking that maaaaybe I should've warned people beforehand of how much vulgar language was going to be in this chapter. I reread it before posting and counted at least thirty profanities, name calling, and general potty-mouth words. I don't talk like this in real life, I swear. I actually hate using the f-word! _

_One more chapter: the finale, the big shebang! I'm sure you guys will love it. ;)_


	3. Chapter 3

_Okay, guys, so first of all—Chuck Versus the Other Guy? Totally awesome. The fact that I got to see it at Wondercon with two thousand other fans (including __**mxpw**__ and __**Mikki13**__) was even more awesome. I've been browsing the ChuckTV forums lately, where people have started speculating about how Sarah would be acting now that she and Chuck are together. And every single time I read those posts I laugh to myself and think of Adorable Psycho. Once again, thank you, __**Wep**__. I love the AP universe._

_Second: shameless self-promotion. I totally forgot to tack this onto the last chapter. Some of you may have seen it already, but if you haven't, you must check out Sarah's bad-assery and sexy bitchness. Because we all know that Sexy Bitch was meant to be her theme song, right?_

_http://www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=oiKxIPMk6HI_

_Thirdly, thanks for waiting for this chapter. I have this thing where I start a story and somehow get stuck right in the freakin' middle of it without knowing how to end. It annoys the heck out of me. Luckily there are people out there who bug me to finish. Persistent motivation works wonders._

_Finally (this is the last part, I swear), this chapter incorporates Disneyland's night show, "Fantasmic". If you've never seen that performance before, I've added Youtube links at the end of the chapter for your viewing pleasure. Hopefully my writing will do it at least some sort of justice._

_Thanks to __**mxpw**__ for beta-ing, as always. Now, onto the final chapter!

* * *

_

"There you are," Chuck said in relief, glancing up as Sarah dropped the colorful Disneyland plastic bag on the ground next to him. "You've been gone for over half an hour, what happened?"

Sarah groaned, pulling the Minnie hat off her head. "Sorry about that. It's like half the park suddenly had a craving for chocolate at the exact same time. Had to fight a crowd of overweight chocoholics to get what I wanted." She plopped down between his legs and leaned into his chest, dragging the bag into her lap. "On the bright side," she added brightly, "I got the last M&M's chocolate cup!"

Chuck stared as she pulled out a large cupcake liner, which was filled to the brim with solid milk chocolate and miniature M&M's, and began gnawing on it. "So," he said, "when you say you fought a crowd of overweight chocoholics, do you mean _literally_, or…"

"No one was hurt, if that's what you mean. One of them might have rolled a couple of feet, though." Sarah shrugged. "It's not like the kid needed any more empty calories. I did him a favor."

"Wow. Must've been crazy in there to have taken so long." Chuck said, nuzzling her neck. "Sorry you had to deal with all of that, sweetie. You should've called me, we could've switched spots."

Sarah stopped nibbling on her chocolate and hesitated. "Well, it didn't actually take _that _long."

"Really?" Chuck furrowed his brow in confusion. "What were you doing, then?"

Sarah fidgeted uncomfortably in his embrace.

"Oh, you know me. I can get…distracted sometimes."

Chuck opened his mouth to respond, then thought better of it. Sometimes it was best not to ask.

* * *

Carla Carlile was beyond the point of stressing. This was _not_ happening. She quickly scanned the area for the twentieth time, double-checking the checklist tacked haphazardly onto her clipboard. The costumed audience before her did their best to look busy, readjusting their outfits and rehearsing snippets of choreography just to avoid the penetrating glare of Fantasmic's Show Director.

"For the last time," Carla bellowed through the megaphone, her hair a wild mess, "_where the hell is Belle?!_"

The group fell deathly silent. Somewhere amidst the mass of dressed up Disney characters, someone coughed.

Carla gritted her teeth. "There are over a thousand people out there waiting to see Fantasmic, and we're missing one of the most important characters to appear in the goddamned show," she said, her knuckles white around the megaphone's handle. She stared down the crowd for a moment longer. Then:

"Where's the understudy?"

A timid woman dressed as _Tarzan's_ Jane raised her hand.

"Good," Carla said, making a quick note on her checklist. "You've got 40 minutes to get changed and be back here. Any later and you're fired as well."

* * *

"_Welcome to Fantasmic!"_ the female voice boomed through the speakers on Tom Sawyer's Island, drowning out the cheers from the crowd surrounding the waterfront. Chuck gave a gentle nudge to Sarah, who was half-asleep against his chest. _"Tonight our friend and host, Mickey Mouse, uses his vivid imagination to create magical imagery for all to enjoy!"_

"I'm awake, I'm awake," Sarah said groggily, slapping Chuck's hand away when he nudged her again. "Stop poking me."

"_Nothing is more wonderful than the imagination, for in a moment, you can experience a beautiful fantasy or an exciting adventure."_

"You're gonna love this, I promise," Chuck said, the excited grin spreading across his face. "It's one of the best fireworks shows I've ever seen. If there's anyone who can waste thirty thousand bucks on extravagant nighttime entertainment, it's Disney."

Sarah spun around and gave him a scandalized look. "They spend thirty grand per _show? _That's completely ridiculous!"

"Well, yeah. It's the world's largest media and entertainment conglomerate." Chuck rolled his eyes. "You're starting to sound like Casey."

Sarah elbowed him.

"_But beware, nothing is more powerful than the imagination, for it can also expand your greatest fears into an overwhelming nightmare! Are the powers of Mickey's incredible imagination strong enough, and bright enough to withstand the evil forces that invade Mickey's dream?"_

Sarah fought a yawn. "This chick is talking too much. And seriously? '_Strong enough and bright enough'_? What are we, five?"

"Nooo…but there are a couple hundred kids here who are." Chuck slipped the Minnie hat back onto her head with a smile. "Come on, Sarah, embrace your inner child!"

"_You are about to find out. For we now invite you to join Mickey and experience Fantasmic, a journey beyond your wildest imagination."_

Sarah snorted. "Yeah? Well, I can think of something more Fantasmic than this."

Chuck stared at her in amazement. "Your puns are absolutely remarkable, you know that?"

"Shhh!" She whispered, waving him off. "It's starting."

* * *

Chuck suppressed a grin as Sarah leaned forward in anticipation, her eyes wide as she watched the live action flurry of Peter Pan aboard Captain Hook's ship. A gunshot rang out and she inhaled sharply; on the main mast's platform, the "wounded" minion plunged 70 feet into the dark waters below.

A little boy sitting next to them scrambled forward on all fours as Peter and Hook began a sword fight on a tightrope suspended above the ship. "Don't fall, Peter!" He shouted anxiously, clutching onto the bar fence in front of him. In Chuck's embrace, Sarah shook her head as well. A moment later, Peter shoved another one of Hook's men off the foremast's platform. The minion thrust his sword into the ship's flag, slowing his fall and landing safely on deck. Sarah nearly squealed with glee.

"One of these days I'm going to find some way to try that," she said brightly, leaning back into him as she pointed to the skull-emblazoned flag. Chuck laughed, until he realized that she was being completely serious. He masked the laugh with a cough.

"I, uh…actually prefer that you didn't, sweetie."

The lights faded out on the ship, and three platforms glided across the lake in a white-blue glow as the music transitioned into a ballad:

_See it in your mind, and you can find_

_In your imagination_

_Tales of enchantment, beauty and romance_

_Happily ever after_

Suddenly, Sarah went stiff in Chuck's arms. Bolting out of his embrace, she gaped in shock as one of the platforms lit up in color, illuminating both main characters of _Beauty and the Beast _while they danced to their theme song.

"Sarah?" Chuck leaned forward in concern. "What's up?" When she didn't answer, he looked at the platform again, confused. Then the pieces clicked together, and he gulped.

"H-honey," he stammered hastily, "don't do anything rash, I don't think that's her. This Belle looks a little different—"

Sarah whipped around to face him, a strange, undecipherable look on her face. "Are you sure? You can't be sure of that, Chuck." Then, without warning, she plunged a hand into her top and pulled out a miniature pair of binoculars, which she immediately pressed against her eyes. After a moment of intense examination, she dropped the binoculars with a nod of approval.

"Okay, you're right," she said, relaxing against him, "it's not the bitch after all. My mistake."

Chuck simply gaped at her like a fish out of water.

"W-where…how…" He motioned erratically towards the binoculars, eyes bulging. "Where did you _get_ those?!"

Sarah offered a nonchalant shrug. "I'm your girlfriend. I prepare for anything."

Chuck took a moment to wrap his mind around that one. After a couple of seconds, he tilted his head toward her ear.

"You snuck your knife collection and gun through security too, didn't you?"

"Maybe," Sarah replied, then diverted her attention away from the performance long enough to add in a husky whisper, "you can search me later."

Chuck forced back the shudder.

* * *

"_Now you will deal with me,"_ Maleficent snarled, _"and all the powers of MY IMAGINATION!!!"_

With a wave of her wand, there was a blinding flash of light and smoke. The speakers boomed with the orchestra's frantic tempo as Maleficent rose above Tom Sawyer's Island in a red haze while green flames flashed across the water projection screens on the lake. Onscreen, Maleficent morphed into her dragon form with a roar, transforming the lake's water projection into a green inferno and illuminating Sarah's entranced face in an eerie emerald glow.

"_Imagination?" _the evil old hag from _Sleeping Beauty_ asked mockingly onscreen before breaking out into an evil scream of laughter. She was joined by _The Little Mermaid's_ Ursula and _Fantasia's_ Chernabog. The music died down to a whine for one chilling moment as the red flames engulfed the water screens, and Maleficent's cackle heightened into insanity with the climactic rise of violins and horns.

Sarah literally gasped aloud and threw her hands over her mouth. Out of the shadows, taking up the entire front of the island, emerged a 45-foot animatronic dragon with glowing eyes. Maleficent's cackle became even wilder as her dragon form observed the crowd in a bluish-green haze; a second later, it opened its mouth and shot a real blast of fire into the water, which caught ablaze and rapidly spread across the lake towards the audience.

Chuck and Sarah leaned back as the heat hit them full force. Nearby, the little boy fell away from the bars and whimpered. Sarah sat in Chuck's arms, completely awestruck.

"It's on fire," she said in a hushed voice, eyes wide as she turned to him. "Holy crap, Chuck, the dragon set the lake on _fire?_"

Chuck grinned. "Fire-on-water effect. They've got natural gas lines running underneath the lake, and there are flamethrowers on the island that set them ablaze. Amazing, right?"

Sarah simply stared at him, another strange look on her face. Chuck gave a sheepish shrug.

On the island, Mickey marched up to the dragon with a magic sword in hand. _"You may think you're so powerful…"_ he said, raising the sword. _"Well, this is MY dream!"_

The sword gave off a bright spark, sending a bolt of electricity into the dragon and incinerating it from the inside out. Maleficent screamed in anguish as the dragon began smoking; onscreen, Ursula and Chernabog were also destroyed in the same way. Their screams were so potent, even Sarah had the decency to cringe. With a final explosion of pyrotechnic sparks, the island dissolved into darkness, making way for Tinkerbell's onscreen introduction to the grand finale.

From the far right of the lake, the Mark Twain Riverboat glided across the river in a shower of glitter. In time with the music, the boat burst to life with Steamboat Mickey and 50 other beloved Disney characters celebrating on board. Sarah nearly squealed, bouncing in sheer delight.

_See it in your mind, and you will find_

_In your imagination_

_Mysteries and magic, visions fantastic_

_Leading to strange and wondrous dreams_

_Dreams are make believe_

_But could they all come true?_

The characters danced along with the music, brandishing ribbons and waving to the crowd as they passed by. Sarah actually began waving with the rest of the kids, glancing back at Chuck every once in a while to exclaim the names of her favorite characters aboard the boat. Then she saw Belle up front, and her expression immediately iced over.

"Slut!" She shrieked, flipping the princess the bird. "She cheated on you, Beast! That's right—t'was Skankiness that screwed the Bitch!!!"

"O-kay!" Chuck blurted, pulling Sarah back with a nervous laugh. "She probably can't hear you, hon, but everyone else sure can. Family friendly place, remember?"

Sarah glanced around at the glowering crowd around them and flashed a smile.

* * *

"_Some imagination, huh?"_

With a cheerful laugh, Mickey disappeared in a burst of sparks, glitter and smoke. The last of the fireworks shot into the air as the spotlights did a final sweep across the crowd; the island darkened for just a moment before lighting up with a blinding, explosive _bang_.

The audience burst into cheers and applause. Instantly Sarah was up, hauling Chuck to his feet before dragging him through the masses.

"Sarah, where are we—"

"That was _inspiring_," Sarah said without looking back. "So inspiring, in fact, that it gave me this _fantasmic_ idea."

Chuck was thoroughly confused. And also a bit scared.

"Uh…what exactly do you have in mind?"

* * *

"On a rollercoaster," Sarah said aloud, marking a worn sheet of paper with a satisfying smile, "check." She folded it up and slipped it into her pocket, then stepped lightly off of the ride platform. Chuck came up behind her, hair mussed and breathing a little more than spent.

"How…" he wheezed, eyes wide, "how are you not completely exhausted from that?! I think I just broke a record!"

Sarah thumped him on the back. "Oh, sweetie. Practice makes perfect, that's all! And you were absolutely amazing. I'm proud of you." She glanced down. "Zipper's down, by the way. Here, let me get that for you—"

"No, no, I got it!" Chuck squeaked, halting in the middle of the walkway to pull it up. Sarah smirked.

"That was such a rush," she gushed, turning around and practically skipping up the ramp to SpacePort's exit. "For a moment, I thought you weren't gonna make it, Chuck, but you did and it was _spectacular! _There was a flash of brilliant light and everything!" She sighed happily and slipped her hand into his. "Top ten, definitely. I can't wait to go home and do it again."

Chuck managed to miss that last part; his brain had sputtered somewhere around "brilliant light". He jerked to a stop, pulling Sarah with him. His face drained of all color, noticeable even in the dim blue light of the building.

"Flash?"

It took a second longer to register, but Sarah's reaction was nothing like Chuck's. With a delighted squeal, she charged toward the exit and into the snapshot preview area with boyfriend in tow.

"Sarah," Chuck said, looking frantically at the throng of people around them, "we _really_ need to get out of here. If we get caught, we are totally—"

The next batch of pictures appeared on the large screens, and a collective gasp ran through the crowd. Scandalized parents quickly covered their children's eyes and hurried them away. A group of teenage girls in front of them turned away in disgust. Two particularly obnoxious college boys gawked at the screen for a few seconds before whooping and roaring with laughter.

"—screwed," Chuck finished weakly.

Sarah ignored them all. She walked up to the screen in an almost daze-like fashion and ran a reverent hand across it.

"It's…"

"Beautiful, right?" Chuck was next to her in three strides, already attempting to tug her away from the picture. "I know, honey, it's a great shot of…us…but we really, _really _need to go."

"But we need to buy it!"

"That's probably not the best idea—"

Suddenly the screen that was displaying their picture shut off. Chuck swore under his breath. Sarah finally registered what was going on and immediately took the lead. They were just short of running past the photo purchasing booth when:

"Excuse me."

Both Chuck and Sarah stopped short as a couple of burly-looking men in white long sleeves and fluorescent orange and yellow vests appeared before them, arms folded firmly across their chests.

"Hellooo, officers!" Chuck said a little too loudly, flashing a wide and all-too forced grin. Sarah sidled up next to him, an innocent smile also set in place. "What, uh…what can we do for you?"

* * *

_**Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt. Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt. Bzzzzzz—**_

"What now, Walker? Haven't you given me enough crap tonight?"

"_Not nearly enough compared to all the shit you've given me for the past four years. Casey, I need a favor."_

"Pass. I've covered my freebies for the week. You're on your own."

"_Casey, I'm serious. I promise this has nothing to do with Chuck's constant stream of hos."_

"Is it government-related?"

"_Well, no—"_

"Then no."

"_Casey—"_

"Walker, I hacked into a high-level security system to give you intel on some chick who dresses like a Disney princess for a living. I didn't ask for details. I don't know what you did with her, nor do I want to. What more do you want from me?"

"_I need you to be a friend."_

"Are you high? What the hell are they giving you at that place?"

"_No, seriously, I need you to be a friend and bail us out. We're in Disney Jail."_

"You're in _what?_"

"_Disney Jail."_

"You're shitting me."

"_I'm not. It really does exist. And Casey, you will be shocked to know that they have some of the best security I have ever seen outside of the agency. They're not letting us go unless we get someone to pick us up."_

"What about—"

"_Chuck says Ellie and Devon's on call, and before you ask, no, we're _not_ asking 'the little bearded man' to come get us."_

"…Goddammit, Walker. I can't believe I'm doing this for you. You better have a damn good reason for getting yourself thrown in a fucking jail for Disneyland misfits."

"_Because you're doing this for me, Casey, I'll spare you the juicy details just this once. Before you leave, though, do me one more favor? Still got the security system hacked?"_

"Yeah, why?"

"_Leave it open. They've got a Space Mountain souvenir that I plan on framing and putting on my nightstand." _

"I'm never stepping foot into your bedroom, Walker. I don't even need to know what's in that picture to know that you're one fucked up woman."

"_Thanks! I'll let Chuck know you approve."_

"Go to hell, Walker."

**-**_**Call ended-

* * *

**_

**Two weeks later…**

Chuck sat at the table with the newspaper spread out on the table in front of him, a bowl of Cocoa Puffs in his hands. Just as he was getting into a particularly interesting article titled "Swimsuit models mysteriously disappear after visit to local Buy More", a sound resembling a screechy wail cut through his concentration.

"_When out of the night the forces ignite to blind you with frightening speeeeeed…"_

Chuck cringed at that last part. As much as he loved his girlfriend, she didn't exactly have the best singing voice. He glanced up to see Sarah emerge from the bedroom, wearing nothing but an old oversized t-shirt of his and a pair of boy shorts. Unsurprisingly, a white cord extended from her ears, plugged into the iPhone she was currently clutching like a microphone.

"_You use your might to brighten the light, creating a night of wondrous dreeeeeeaaaaams!"_

"Morning, honey!" Chuck bellowed over the high-pitched shriek, putting down his bowl just in case it cracked. "Still listening to that song?"

"It's my official wake up song," Sarah said proudly, tugging the earphones out of her ears. Her expression darkened considerably. "Of course, it's not like I'll be able to watch the show for a while, since we were fucking _banned_ for five years."

Chuck nodded sympathetically, going through the motions. "I know, sweetie. Disney doesn't understand our expression of love, that's all."

"Exactly!" Sarah replied vehemently, plopping down on the chair across from him. "What the fuck are they calling 'public indecency'? That picture is a work of art!"

"And it welcomes you every morning on your nightstand."

"Thank you, Casey," she said, placing a hand over her heart.

Chuck grinned and pushed the box of Cocoa Puffs and milk towards her. "Breakfast?"

Sarah took one look at the box and visibly paled. "_No._" She shoved the box away, shaking her head.

Chuck stared at her, brow furrowed in concern. "Hey, are you okay? You look like you're about to throw up."

"I just…I don't know. Cocoa Puffs make me sick."

"But…you love Cocoa Puffs."

Sarah shook her head again and slumped against the chair. Chuck leaned over and rested his hand over hers.

"Hey, maybe you should go see a doctor or something. This is the third time in a week that you've felt nauseous like this. And, uh," he hesitated for a moment before adding, "maybe it's just me, but lately you've seemed a little more…tired…in bed."

Sarah's eyes flew to his. "_What?_"

"Or not! Or not! It's just me!"

The appalled look remained on her face for a split second longer before it was replaced by an altogether different expression. If it was even possible, Sarah went even paler. Abruptly, she stood up and made a beeline for their bedroom.

"Sarah—" Chuck began, but her voice cut him off.

"Bathroom, be right back!" With that, she disappeared behind the door.

Thoroughly confused, Chuck slowly pulled the bowl of cereal back into his hands and browsed through the newspaper. A few seconds later the bowl was on the ground, forgotten.

**Burned Body Found in Disneyland's "Rivers of America"**

_Anaheim, CA — The burnt body of a missing employee was discovered at the bottom of Disneyland's "Rivers of America" last Friday._

_28-year-old Melissa Hartmann was reported missing two weeks ago after she failed to show up for her performance on the nighttime show "Fantasmic". Hartmann, who portrayed the character Belle from Disney's "Beauty and the Beast", had last been seen walking back to her dressing room after a meet-and-greet session at Disneyland's newest attraction, "Beast's Castle"._

"_We don't understand how this could have happened," said Carla Carlile, Show Director of 'Fantasmic'. "She was one of our newest employees to perform on the show, and so excited to be a part of it. It was a mystery to all of us why she hadn't shown up. We never expected something like this to be the reason."_

_Hartmann's body was found at the bottom of "Rivers" just off the bank of the attraction known as "Tom Sawyer's Island". Investigators report that the body was severely burned, a result of "Fantasmic's" use of gas to light the lake on fire during performances. However, closer inspection revealed various stab wounds and cuts across the body, suggesting that the cause of death may have been a result of severe blood loss, drowning, or possibly both. A full autopsy report should be available within a few days._

"_We intend to get to the bottom of this," said Thomas Stagg, Chairman of Walt Disney's Parks and Resorts, on Saturday. "Obviously the person who murdered Ms. Hartmann is smart. But we're *censored* Disney, and we're going to hunt this person down if it's the last thing Disney ever does."_

_Walt Disney Company, however, declined to comment, and the following day decided to drop the investigation altogether._

"_Fantasmic" has been shut down until further notice._

Chuck nearly knocked his chair over standing up. He sprinted into the bedroom and slammed into the bathroom door.

"Sarah?!" He pounded once, twice, three times. "Sarah, Melissa Hartmann's death is in today's newspaper! You lied to me!! You told me that you accidentally gave her a heart attack then slit her throat for good measure!!"

He'd never been so angry with Sarah in his life. "It's bad enough that I let you off the hook with that kill, but this? God _dammit_, Sarah, this is taking it too far! What do you have to say for yourself?!"

The door to the bathroom swung open. Sarah stood there looking like a ghost, paler and sicker than he'd ever seen her. In her hand was a small stick; although it was shaking violently, the plus sign was clearly visible, practically screaming its joy to the world.

Chuck went weak at the knees.

Sarah slowly brought her gaze to his, her eyes glassed over in shock.

"I'm pregnant."

* * *

_And thus ends Chuck and Sarah's Fantasmic Adventure. Hopefully I haven't completely ruined your views of the wonderfulness that is Disneyland. But hey, I haven't ruined mine, and I'm the one who wrote it, so… :D _

_Like I mentioned before, this throws us straight into __**mxpw's**__ "Adorable Psycho Versus The Nine Months". Make sure to bother him about updating! _

_And finally, as promised, here's the link to "Fantasmic":_

_http://www(dot)youtube(dot)com/view_play_list?p=C12D6BF369C591FD_

_The entire show itself is about 22 minutes long, but the main parts I've referred to in this chapter are: from the beginning until (0:59) of Part 1, from (1:05) to (4:41) of Part 2, and from (1:03) to the end of Part 3._

_Thank you all for reading! Up next—me attempting to finish off that final chapter of Closet Gleek! Whoo!_


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